DV's terrible boss guide

[deadly virus]

so I kinda have internet.. kinda. Anyway I found an old boss guide I wrote like 4 years ago on gamefaqs. Thought I'd post it here. Spelling mistakes were intentional.. mostly:

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Lucky you guys have me. I'm going to give away my secrets on how to beat the boss and win the game

Carubanannger

His bite and his firey thing hit for lots of damages so you need to hit him harder. Stab him in his organs with weapons and spoons until he falls down. Having Vera with Vahn is semi- useful, but real men don't get hit.

Vertagos

OMG there's two of them, but don't panic.. if you panic, you die...maybe. Anyway, they do lightning bolts and nasty bright flashies so you might want to look away to avoid getting a sezior. Have Noa and Vahn do things and cause damage while Gala just stands there because he is useless. If you get super lucky, you might absorb one, use their flashy moves and give a sezior to enmies.

Songi

a one on one with Gala, but atleast now Gala isn't so terrible. Just kick him in the leg until it implodes and you win

Zetooo

because or he will hump the air around you and cause you to axphiate or something. He turns into a crab so best break out the mustard sauce and have a meal. If you don't like seafood for whatever reason, you could always hit him until his hp reach 0. Deepsea jewels help but its so easy to just not get hit. When he does his "EXPECT A POWERFUL ATTACK IN THE NEXT TURN" use common sense and spirit up or get your batheing suit.

Berserkerrage

jesus christmas. Only one of 2 bosses that gave me trubl.e . He can summon stone hendge and kill you family with it so you might wanna think about using spell check or atleast pre read **** you post. He also copies me and can Rot you, making you even more useless than before. Havng a rank 5 Vera will cure Rot, so you won;t have to kill yourself. Just remember kids, he's a plant and they serve no purpose to anyone. Kill him for the greater good.

Xaintex

The most overrated fat child on the block. His hits you so you hit him back. Punching him in the nuts works well. His bloody horn is terrible and will cause blood wounds which you should apply a bandaid. His Terio punch or something is suppose to be his strongest attack, but it's terrible.. like you. Just spirit up when he charges up and he'll be just like any other overweight senoir citizen.

Songi round 2

Songi isn't as bad as he was before. He learned how to play the game. I suggest you do the same so you can win the game. Dodge his hyper light ing and behead him. Since this game has like a G rating, you just cause him to deacivate his shield thing around the terrible tree.

Sataryucrawt

The only other boss who cause me trouble, Jump ontop of him and cave his mushroom head in. Earth quake is bad.. and earthquake with his jugg-jo powers his even badder.... like those 1200 ranked folks. Just heal or die. its all the same to me.

Dohaltololopop

Look at him... Kick his こし, tea bag him then eat is horrible looking costume.

Gaza

really? he's old. break his knee and steal his wallet.

Gaza v.2

**** He's not to please about you breaking his knee. He has like a sword and does attacks.. so... do the same.

Delisandwich family

stop benig terrible already. Punch they in the jeans and send me money for new tires.


Kourband

you have 5 turns to implode him before he asplodes. Stop reading this and do it.

Zora

the emo harpy is alergic to razor blades.. so when you thrown them at her, aim for the wrist. She does some attacks but since she weights like 90lbs then shouldn't hurt unless you backpeddle like a terrible. She'll do a Medusa rip-off attack that'll turn you to stone s don't look at her... then again you shouldn't be looking at her anyway. Dark Typhoon does some wind and things, but if she lives long enough to use it, you should probably kill your self.

Rogue

Look at him... how the the the the the is this even suppose to be a fight. He'll just dangle there looking like a homeless person while you hit him. He'll only attack every other turn so I think he's trying to lose on purpose. He's made of like freaken ice... use a hammer and move on.

Jette

All of your attacks hit him right in the balls so it shouldn't take long. He's got combos and some move where he blows up the floor, but gravity is overrated. He can also clone himself and gang bang you because he's freaky like that.

Cort

Why is this man's suit so tight?!? How does he even breathe? If you get lucky, he'll stop breathing and you can move on, but if you are ugly, you'll have to fight. He summons a shield that'll you have to break through. While that goes on, he flings crosses and crazy circles of doom at you. If you suck you might have to heal, but only wimps use heal spells. Once his shield goes down he'll summon the Juggernaut *****, who will try to take your rain coat as he asplodes you into the twisting nether.

Songi v.3

He eats his Wheaties and grows big... like some kind of mutant. Remember his knees are his weak spot. Hit him him there and cash in your chips.

The end

Cort with a new look. At least he lost that terrible outfit. He does moves that hurt, so you hurt him more.

Lawlps

He steals your mp right off the bat. Its like wtf get a job. His attacks so allot of damages so you should pobably do something about them. Or you can use the Jedo trick to instantly kill him cuz I got places to be

Te..sgu?

R U srs?!!? this guy do b**** slapped by Zeto and we all know how awful he was. K'o him, steal his jewelry, and move on with the gaem

Bees

ITS FXCKSinG bees bro... get the friggin fly swatter and eat the omfg honey

[GoldenPower89]

This boss guide was semi-helpful. Good to have you back. Finish yer story.

[Nightshade]

I got a good laugh out of this; 9.5/10, would read again for lulz.

But I saw two fatal flaws. First, the Berserkererer summons "Stonehenge". Secondly, when fighting Xainax, you're supposed to punch him in the "nutz", not the "nuts"

[GoldenPower89]

There's one more fatal flaw: no Lapis.

[Sephirothansylar]

Hahaha
Lapasss- Just go ra ra ree kick 'im in the knee, ra ra ras kick 'im in the other knee

[Nightshade]

Does Lapis even have a knee?

I would have said:

Lapiss: This jerkface cheats, so cheat right back; then eat him fried because that's waht you does wit chickins like him.

[deadly virus]

added 3 optional fights

[Sephirothansylar]

Bird's have knees so I would assume Lapis does too, but where he flies the whole battle not sure how effective kicking him in the knee would be haha.

[meth962]

Lmao that should have been accepted on GFaqs!

[Redhollowlives999]

I agree with Night's ratings. This will be the guide I show people who play this game.

My only complain is that there's too many spelling errors. It took me longer to read this than it should've; but still funny and worth the 9.5 nonetheless.