Poem thread

Post by **Zup** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 12:33 am

It's technically a rap tbh

I wrote it while listening to the Heard Em Say instrumental

And I'll probably get to checking out a poetry book this week. My limit is 2 books every few days

Post by **Rammerrush** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 11:17 pm

Post by **Zup** » Mon Sep 17, 2012 5:54 pm

I got in trouble last year for checking out 4 books every few days. Teachers and counselors and the librarian thought I had insomnia and that I had a reading problem or something so they limited me >_____________________>

Post by **Redhollowlives999** » Mon Sep 17, 2012 6:18 pm

Sounds.... just dumb.

Post by **Zup** » Mon Sep 17, 2012 6:32 pm

I agree

They actually told me to stop reading as much >__________________________>

Maybe this is why kids seem dumb

Post by **Redhollowlives999** » Mon Sep 17, 2012 6:41 pm

As Kazan would say:
"Epic Fail."

So I guess I should post another poem soon.

Post by **Zup** » Mon Sep 17, 2012 6:42 pm

Go for it

I'll try to write something decent after I check out some poetry books >___<

Post by **nicoleb** » Thu Sep 20, 2012 6:23 pm

This is the most adorable thing I've ever read! (Yeah, I find depressing things adorable.) Or, the last line is a bit depressing, though that might just be the mention of the word 'twilight,' which makes me think of... things.

Anyway, good job.

Post by **Redhollowlives999** » Thu Sep 20, 2012 6:48 pm

This poem is to fill Nic's GalaXSongi obsession. I would give this work a 6/10

The brightest darkness

Train, blood, sweat,
Nothing is ever perfect in this world.
Making haste is how humans live,
Overlooking what is truly grand.
Of course I am above,
Looking down to the sad fools,
Who fail to realize who is the biggest of them all,
For I am the diamond in the rough.
Worth more than Gold,
I stand alone on this pillar,
I have grown from a small kid to a real man.
But all train seems to mean nothing,
when compared to the biggest fool of all.

People seem to praise him.
Although he means nothing in my presence,
He is something of a 'friend'
I hate this; 'best friend'.

I refuse to lose;
No matter the relation.
I am the best,
For I am enlightened!
I will grow!
I will be the only.
I AM the one.

Yet, even at my peak,
I scream for mercy,
But he still strives,
I fear,
Even if I were 'god'
I would still pale.

Power meaning nothing,
Me being weak.
I UNDERSTAND NONE OF THIS!
If I cannot, neither can he.
I will be
I am..
I was..
I am not..
.......

It hurts,
It hurts,
Both defeat and death are the stigma of my life,
I'd ask for forgiveness,
but I have too much pride.

Post by **nicoleb** » Thu Sep 20, 2012 11:10 pm

...Well, you were there for my reaction in the chatroom, Red, but I'll repeat myself here: "AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RED, THAT IS SO F*CKING CUTE AND AWESOME AND SWEET AND IC AND... SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Now for a little less fangirlasm and some actual constructive comments (or praise, really

). First of all, I love how narcissistic and bitter you made Songi. I love how he admits Gala is his friend but detests calling him his best friend. It's so sweet. And how you changed the tenses of Songi's sentences near the end - "I will be, I am, I was, I am not" - worked really well. And when Songi is dying [

'( ], I love how he says he'd ask for Gala's forgiveness, but he has too much pride. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW... That implies that he WANTS Gala's forgiveness! That's so SWEET! Red, I love you!

You should really make a Gala-PoV followup when you're up to it, though for now, I'm perfectly satisfied with this. I give this poem a 9,001/10. ^_^

LegendOfLegaia.net

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