Legaia - A Spoof Parody [PG-13]

[GoldenPower89]

The way you end your chapters reminds me of how they end every episode of the old Batman show.

[Nightshade]

As many Batman shows as there are, you're not exactly providing a detailed description of to what show you refer.
--------------------------
Part 6:

The four heroes continue on their journey to the Genesis Tree.

Terra: "We must make haste. I sense great danger up ahead!"

Noa: "So do I."

Terra: "When did you learn to do that?"

Noa: "Well, I think it happened when I learned to use my eyes, and recognize that the stone creature pounding its chest and glaring menacingly at us probably doesn't wish us well, and is probably going to attack."

Terra: "I didn't ask for your snide remarks."

Noa: "You just did ask."

Terra (to herself): "Meta, how do you do it?"

The pair dispatch the golem with relative ease. Or, perhaps more accurately, Noa took out the golem, while Terra decided to take a nap, skipping every one of her turns in combat, as is typical for NPC behavior.

Terra: "We need to get out of here, now! This cave is about to collapse!"

Noa: "But I want to watch you do that cool thing again where you blast us out of the cave!"

Terra: "Noa, now's not the time!"

Noa: "Awwww!"

The pair escape from the cave.

Terra: "Wait for it... wait for it..."

Thirty minutes later, the cave finally begins to collapse, a slow process which takes another three minutes before the cave finally comes tumbling down.

Terra: "Just think, if we were characters in a video game, the cave would collapse with just a second or two to spare!"

Noa: "But, aren't we?"

Terra: "This conversation again? Anyway, I thought I should tell you that I'm going to die soon."

Noa: "You promised that you wouldn't leave me! Remember, you promised! And now you're going to DIE! Maybe I should kick your butt!"

Terra: "..."

[awkward silence ensues]

Terra: "Now, onward to the summit!"

The duo makes it to the summit and approaches the Genesis Tree.

Strange Voice (Zeto): "Good God, how long was I waiting here? I mean, you guys should have been here an hour ago! I am Zeto, and your puny attempts at rebellion against the Glory of the Mist will come to an end. I will see to it myself!"

Terra: "Stay close, Noa; he means to attack!"

Noa: "Bring him on; I'll show him!"

Zeto: "Ah, who am I kidding! Why should I kill you now while I have the chance, when I can send one of my minions, have you destroy my minion, free Drake Castle from the Mist, get stronger, and then eventually be defeated myself during a showdown in my dungeon? Caruban, attack!"

Caruban does just that.

Terra: "Woof you leave us alone already?"

Caruban: "ROAR!"

Terra: "Whimpers and cries off in the corner"

-----------------------------------

We now turn our attention back to Vahn and Meta, who are climbing up the other side of the mountain.

Meta: "We need to help our friends! Let's hurry!"

Vahn: "Who? I mean, I feel sorry for leaving Ixis in the village with Mei around, but is it really appropriate to worry about them, now?

Meta: "You're hopeless..."

Vahn: "Whatever..."

They continue on their way to the Geneticist, er... Genesis Tree, and although they are in a hurry, they make sure to take deliberate detours to pick up a set of knuckles, a few elixirs, and a Door of Light from conspicuously placed treasure chests located far out of the way of the path to the summit.

Vahn: "Have you ever noticed how there are these treasure chests just lying around on these paths? Who do you think put them there, and why?"

Meta: "Good question. I guess your idea about us just being characters in some kid's video game may actually hold some merit. I've never actually thought about it before."

They continue on in an awkward silence toward the summit, and find Terra and Noa being attacked by Caruban.

Vahn: "Let's revive the Genesis Tree, make ourselves stronger, and then take care of that girl being attacked by the chimera!"

Meta: "No, that would just make too much sense. We have to defeat the beast first in our weakened state before we can revive the Genesis Tree. That's the only way."

Vahn: "I hate you and your legal-mindedness some times, you know that?"

Meta: "And I hate that you rely too much on your own judgment instead of the rules of the world, but you don't see me complaining."

Vahn: "You are right now..."

Meta: "Just, shut up and help her, already."

Vahn, Meta, and Noa team up to defeat Caruban.

Meta: "Now, we must go revive the Genesis Tree!"

Vahn: "What about the girl?"

Meta: "What about it? The Genesis Tree is more important right now!"

Vahn: "Funny; that's just what I was saying five minutes ago."

Meta: "Hate all of you..."

So, the Genesis Tree is revived, Drake Castle is free from the Mist, and Terra has separated herself from the wolf and attached herself to Noa.

Terra: "You and I are now one, and we must go on a quest to free the world from the Mist."

Noa: "How did you separate yourself from the wolf? And more importantly, how did you bond to the wolf in the first place? I thought you told me that Seru and humans were the pair that bonded together."

Terra: "You know, I'm not really sure how that works..."

Meta: "I can't say I've heard of it either."

The team of four heads down the mountain, to the newly freed Drake Castle. What adventures await them when they get there? Find out next time!

[Nightshade]

Having defeated the fell beast Caruban, revived the Genesis Tree, and freed Drake Castle from the Mist, our brave heroes climb down Mt. Rikuroa and head back to Drake Castle.

Noa: "Vahn, what kind of place is Drake Castle?"

Vahn: "I dunno. The only two times I've ever been were when it was covered in Mist."

Noa: "Two times?"

Vahn: "It's a long story..."

Noa: "Vahn, you must have been a reckless kid, you know?"

Vahn: "Takes one to know one."

Noa: "Huh... Never thought of it that way."

The heroes head down the mountain and arrive at Drake Castle.

Hairy Man: "You two! Are you the ones responsible for ridding the Mist from Drake Castle?"

Noa: "What's with that hair?"

Hairy Man: "I resent that! I am King Mustachio Soror Aural Rentoin de Rigor Mortis Drake, Keeper of the Finest Mustache in the world. I have also been told that I am the King of Drake Castle and the surrounding lands! Again, travelers, I ask you: Did you free Drake Castle from the Mist?"

Noa: "Uh... No...?"

Vahn: "Noa?"

King Drake: "Ah, I seem to have mistaken you for another. Well then, carry on, good citizens. I have combing to attend to!"

Vahn: "Wait, your Majesty! I beeseech you! I request that you lower the Water Gate such that we can travel to Biron Monastery to the east, as was my original plan."

King Drake: "You couldn't have just swam across the literally five feet of water? Or jumped over?"

Vahn: "It was clearly meant as an obstacle in our path. I saw no reason to disobey the King's wishes."

King Drake: "Though that may be, the Seru, as you could see, were not so respectful. But please, let us continue this conversation in the throne room."

The group continues onward to the Throne Room of Drake Castle.

King Drake: "...As I said, I had locked the Water Gate to prevent the Seru from crossing the river and invading Drake Kingdom. It was not until after that that we realized that it was a lost cause, for most Seru possessed by the Mist can either fly, float in midair, or jump across the river. Not to mention those that can swim, of course."

Vahn: "Then, will Your Majesty grant us passage to the Eastern Lands?"

King Drake: "This is a reasonable request. Guards; please unlock the Water Gate at once!"

Guards: "That's going to be a problem, Your Hairiness!"

King Drake: "Your Hairiness expects a good reason for your insubordination!"

Guard: "Yes, sir! The key to the Gate is around your neck, sir!"

King Drake: "You couldn't, you know, cut down the line and drop the gate that way?"

Meta: "Finally, a voice of reason around here! I should have joined with this guy!"

Terra: "Don't leave me with these two!"

Meta: "Very well. As you wish."

King Drake: "As you will. I shall grant you two the key to the Water Gate on one condition. You must find the two heroes who freed my castle from the Mist! According to a traveler, they are couple of teenagers. One is a girl with pinkish-red hair, and the other is a young lad with blue hair. I trust that should you come across these two, you will bring them here, as I have wish to speak with them."

Vahn and Noa look at each other with incredulity.

Meta: "Terra, I take back what I said earlier."

Terra: "I think we are the only two voices of reason on this entire continent..."

Meta: "Afraid so. I hope that we can find another of our kind soon..."

King Drake: "I must warn you, that beyond the river lies the Great Drake Desert! Due to our nation's geography, water becomes more scarce until you reach the Biron Monastery and the Eastern River that brings water from the north.

Noa: "But Drake, we haven't eaten dinner yet!"

King Drake: "No, the food after dinner is called "dessert"! A desert is a very dry place with little water!"

Noa: "Oh, okay! Then let's make sure to get lots of Waters before we leave!"

Vahn and Noa nod and leave the Throne Room. As they do, they stop to raid the castle of several valuable and conspicuously placed treasures, including King Drake's personal VIP membership card from right out of his bedroom. They head downstairs and into the palace courtyard.

Noa: "So many people! Do you think they want to talk to me?"

Vahn: "Depends on if you have money or not, I guess."

Noa: "What's money?"

Vahn: "Uh... I don't know either..."

Noa: "Oh, look, these guys have cool shirts in my size! I want it!"

Arms Dealer: "Why, hello young lady! That's not just an ordinary shirt! That will protect your beautiful little body!"

Noa: "Uh... I'll be going now..."

Arms Dealer: "Well, go ahead and take that as a gift from me to you."

Noa: "Yeah, I think I'll pass..."

Noa cautiously walks away, slowly at first, and then runs. She heads to the items dealer.

Noa: "Hey, Vahn! I'm going to give you a test! First, what does a Door of Light do?"

Vahn: "Let's you go to Rim Elm?"

Noa: "That's not what he told me... Anyway, next question! What item heals you the most when you use it?"

Vahn: "Life Water? I really don't know of any healing items besides these healing leaves."

Noa: "Wrong again! Lastly, what is this supply dealer's name?"

Vahn: "Wats, of course."

Noa: "I got you ag... wait, how did you know that?"

Vahn: "Simple. He's wearing a nametag right on his shirt."

Noa: "Fair enough... Well, since you aren't doing so well today, you can have this Wisdom Water. If you had answered all these questions right, I would have rewarded you with these worthless healing shrooms!"

Vahn (aside): "I'm smarter than you think, for the record."

With their adventures in Drake Castle complete, including a police-supervised trip to the arms store, Vahn and Noa leave Drake Castle, close the Water Gate, take the treasure chest that was bolted and cemented to the dirt, and head east to Biron Monastery.

Will they find Maya safe and well? What new dangers will present themselves? Has anyone reading this still not played this game or at least watched a Let's Play of it on YouTube? Find out on Part 8!

[Nightshade]

Part 8

After crossing the Great Drake Desert, and acquiring some oddly placed treasure chests near the valley, Vahn and Noa arrive at a cave. The sign reads "To Biron Monastery. No Seru Allowed."

Noa: "Well, Terra, I guess you're going to have to wait outside."

Terra: "Have you forgotten that we are one being now? I can't just detach from your arm at will!"

Noa: "Well how were you able to separate from the wolf?"

Terra: "Huh... eh..." (To Meta) "Help me out, would you?"

Meta chuckles.

Meta: "You're going to have to dig yourself out of this one."

Terra: "I swear to Tieg that I am going to hold this grudge for eternity!"

Vahn: "Who is Tieg?"

Noa: "Is that something you eat?"

Meta: "Uh... sure? Let's go with that."

Terra: "I'm not digging you out of that one either."

Meta: "Whatever, let's just go already."

Vahn: "But it says right there: No Seru allowed!"

Meta: "So, I guess that you're just going to sit there and let the allies of the Mist win because you have to follow some stupid sign that was probably posted 30 years ago?"

Vahn: "Well, yes. We're the good guys; we have to follow the rules, right? Isn't that what you said?"

Meta: "You cannot even begin to fathom my anger right now."

Vahn: "So, if we're breaking the rules, are we the bad guys?"

Meta: "Of course we are! I mean, what am I talking about? Let's just get going before I strangle myself!"

Noa: "Do Seru have necks that they can strangle?"

Meta: "That won't stop me from trying!"

Vahn and Noa: "Let's go while these two are fighting"

Noa stumbles upon a switch, which immediately locks the doors behind them and turns on a pair of massive fans."

A monk walks out to see the commotion.

Monk: "Oh heavens! There are a couple of crazy people with Seru here! I need backup! Heathens! You think you can set foot on the holy ground of Biron! Your treachery will be paid with thine lives!"

Elderly Voice: "Stand down at once!"

Monk: "Ye... Yes, sir!"

Elderly Gentleman: "Welcome to Biron Monastery. I am Master Zopu, headmaster of the Monastery. You are strange guests, and you have Seru, yet your eyes are not possessed by madness. Therefore..."

Vahn: "We're not welcome here..."

Zopu: "Not so hasty, young lad. You are not welcome to join the Biron monks; our rules must be obeyed. However, little by little, over the past few days, the Mist has slowly retreated from Drake Kingdom. Are you the ones responsible?"

Noa: "Yes, old man. We revived the Genesis Tree at Mt. Rikuroa!"

Imposing Man in Blue: "How dare you treat venerable Master Zopu with disrespect! Addressing him as "old man"! Master, I request permission to restore your honor!"

Zopu: "Stand aside, Master Teacher; these two mean no harm."

Master Teacher: "Bu... but, sir! They wear the hated Seru on their arms."

Noa: "No we don't?"

Vahn: "Yes, that's right. These aren't Seru."

Master Teacher: "Don't play dumb with me. Seru are Seru, and nothing more."

Zopu: "That's quite enough, Master Teacher. Perhaps I was wrong to promote you to the rank of Master Teacher; maybe Songi would have been better suited for the role."

Master Teacher: "Yes, sir."

The imposing not-so-gentleman in red smiles with the smuggest of looks on his face.

He stands aside, with his head firmly downward in shame.

Zopu: "You say those are not Seru. But yet, I sense no lie in your eye."

Noa: "Yes, old man! These are Ra-Seru. We are on a quest to rid the world of the Mist!"

Zopu's eyes light up.

Zopu: "I see! Then, tonight, there will be a party held in honor of two heretics who may yet be the savior of us all! That's also an incredibly awkward way to put it! Until then, you are welcome to our hospitality."

Vahn: "Very well; what should we do now?"

Zopu and Master Teacher leave toward the back, while the man in red approaches.

Man in Red: "I am Songi, strongest in Biron and stealer of kittens! If you have any Seru, give one to me."

Vahn: "But you just said that you're the strongest in Biron! Why would you need a Seru?"

Songi: "Uh... to... fight alongside you!"

Noa: "Are you lying!"

Songi: "To the the the the I am! I mean... no!"

Vahn: "What a weirdo..."

Terra: "How insolent!"

Songi: "Well, I have places to be, people to see; I am a busy man, after all!"

Songi heads out toward the back. As he does, a woman with green hair approaches.

Green-Haired Woman: "Oh, Vahn, that is you! It's been so long that I could hardly recongize you!"

Noa: "Do you know her?"

Vahn: "Never seen her in my life."

Green-Haired Woman: "How rude! I know I left the village when you were just a boy, but you don't even recognize me? It's Maya!"

Noa: "Is this your childhood girlfriend?"

Vahn thinks about what was just said, and then excuses himself to the nearest trashcan to regurgitate.

Maya: "Anyway, I have to get ready for the party, so I'll talk to you later!"

-----------------------------------
After exploring the monastery for a few hours and speaking with Master Zopu about their adventures, the sun begins to set and the party begins.

Maya: "I see. So, my husband is no longer with us..."

Vahn: "I'm sorry for your loss."

Maya: "Thanks. But right now, I need to reflect."

Noa: "What's a husband?"

Terra: "Noa! Now's not the time for that! I will tell you later."

Master Teacher: "Halt! I will not allow you to defile the sacred grounds of Biron any longer!"

Noa: "And how do you plan to do that?

Master Teacher: "I will stop you myself!"

Vahn: "I don't think that will work."

Master Teacher: "Do tell!"

Vahn: "We're each five times stronger than you, have weapons, combat experience, and right now, you're so slow we could dance around you without even trying."

Master Teacher: "Well, I never was quick on my feet. Do what you will, but I won't stand for it."

Noa: "You're free to sit down, then."

Master Teacher: How dare... well, okay."

Zopu arrives in the main party room.

Zopu: "Please tell me the truth: You mean to take Maya back to Rim Elm, am I correct?"

Vahn: "Yes, sir."

Zopu: "Thank you. However, you must do something for us. In the north, there are two more Genesis Trees. You are to revive them as well!"

Vahn: "We appreciate the task, but we must be going."

Zopu: "I cannot accept that. You will revive the Genesis Trees."

Meta: "I too entreat you to do so."

Vahn: "Whatever..."

Zopu: "Good. You will leave at dawn!"

-----------------
It is morning.

Maya: "Hey, Vahn, I have something to show you!"

Vahn: "I'm suspiciously hesitant."

Maya begins to pull her shirt down.

Vahn: "And I've seen about all I want to see of this! Noa, let's get out of here!"

Master Teacher: "Wait, both of you. Though I hate that I have to say this, Master Zopu ordered me to come with you."

Noa: "But we don't need your help. We can revive the Genesis Tree by ourselves."

Master Teacher: "And though I hate to say this, Master Zopu did not ask me to help you. Rather, he sent me with you as punishment."

Vahn: "We'll put you to work right away."

Noa: "First, we need to do something about your hair, and Master Teacher is a dumb name!"

Master Teacher: "It's not a name, it's a title!"

Noa: "Then what is your name?"

Master Teacher: "It's, uh... What is my name? It's been so long that I've forgotten."

Noa: "Then I'll just call you Gala until we remember."

Gala: "That is a ridiculous and stupid name; I will not assent to this."

Vahn: "Gala it is, then. Let's go!"

Our heroes have a new task ahead of them: to revive the Genesis Trees in the Voz Forests. What will become of our heroes? Will Gala learn his real name? Find out, on part 9!

[xTrance]

Hahahaah this is great. So many little dumb plot points to make fun of.

The wisdom water is by far the best option there.

Hilarious play on the "suffer/supper" thing.

[GoldenPower89]

Wow. Not really sure why Maya pulled her shirt down, but ok.

[Nightshade]

Legaia Abridged: Part 9.

Wait... isn't this deader than disco by now?
Disco King: I'm still here, you know.
Who are you again?
Disco King: I'm the Disco King!
Moving on, now back to the plot!

When we last left our heroes, they were leaving to head to the Genesis Tree in West Voz forest.

Noa: It's been like... forever ago since we left for West Voz. Is it really that far away?

Vahn: I know. It seems like we've been on this path for like... eight months.

Gala: But it's only been three hours. You do know that, right?

Vahn: You sure about that? Seems like someone hasn't been paying attention to us lately.

Noa: Makes you wonder if we're just pawns in some story bigger than all of us.

Gala: That's surprisingly deep coming from a simpleton like you.

Noa: I'm going to kick your butt, you know that, right?

Gala: You can try, but I've been training for the past twelve years.

All of the sudden, a Wild Lippian appears!

Vahn: I'm going to catch it, with my PokeBall!

Noa: There's two problems with that, Vahn.

Gala: There's far more than two problems here, but whatever, continue.

Noa: First, when did we become Pokemon trainers?

Vahn: Right around the time we got our Ra-Seru. Our summoning magic isn't too dissimilar.

Noa: Huh. Never really thought of it that way. But that doesn't help with the second issue.

Vahn: And you're going to enlighten me?

Noa: Yeah. Those aren't Seru.

Vahn: Well... poop.

Gala: I'm going to attack now.

Gala rushes in and charges the Lippian at full speed. He throws a quick left hook, followed by a right jab.

Vahn: That was pretty underwhelming.

Noa: I guess all that training really didn't pay off. Hard work is no match for Seru.

Gala: Shut up. Both of you. I'm going to kill you both.

Vahn: Fair enough. I'm going to take a nap now, and when I wake up in two hours, I'll be pretty bloodied, but alive. And I'll use this healing leaf to restore myself to full health, rendering all of that work useless.

Gala: Well... poop.

Say, what happened to that Lippian?

Vahn: I think I caught it?

Noa: No, I just knocked it out. Say, anyone hungry for some Ostrich-fried Lippian?

Gala: Oh boy, that's one of my favorites!

The party stops for a snack before continuing on.

Vahn: So, I was thinking. You know how the fate of the world rests in our hands? And that it's urgent that we get to West Voz as soon as possible?

Noa: Yeah, that's apparently a thing.

Gala: We should continue on to West Voz, as Master Zopu instructed.

Vahn: But first, let's go into that valley.

Noa: I can hardly see any further in. It's really foggy this afternoon. Come to think of it, it is pretty humid out here.

Gala: Noa... I don't mean to insult your intel... I mean, who am I kidding. Of course I do. That's apparently all I can do, since apparently years of training means nothing.

Vahn: Why is there a treasure chest sitting over there by that mountain pass?

Gala: Because... Well, actually... I... give up. Maybe God hates us?

Meanwhile...
Tieg: And a treasure chest here, and one over there, and one just sitting there, and how about one right in those intestines. No one will ever look there.

Back at the plot:
Noa: So, is that West Voz?

Vahn: Maybe? Why is it so purple?

Gala: Purple is the new black?

Noa: Huh. Never knew that. I figured black was black.

Gala: So, how did you get so strong? Besides the Seru.

Noa: I beat up a bunch of worms on a mountain.

Vahn: Reanimated skeletons in a castle. Which was strange because I didn't really see many dead people.

Gala: So, training is useless and the only way to get stronger is to engage in actual combat and gain real experience?

Noa: Yep, training is useless.

Gala: I should have just slacked off and let Songi be the best. He took that whole thing pretty seriously. Speaking of which, where is he?

Songi is deep in East Voz. A nearby sign reads: "Genesis Tree; Turn Left"

Songi: Well, turning right didn't work. Maybe go back? I'm really confused!

Will our heroes find the Genesis Tree in West Voz? Yes, but it's dead. I think spoilers are off after this long. Find out what happens to Songi and our heroes next time, on Legaia Abridged!

[GoldenPower89]

Lippian does sorta look like a Pokemon. Actually...

It is kinda shameful that Gala is supposed to be the strongest monk in the monastery, yet he can only punch twice per turn when you get him. How they avoided the Seru so long I'll never know...

[Nightshade]

Legaia Abridged, Part 10

After a few more hours, the party arrives at the edge of West Voz Forest.

Noa: We did seem to get here a lot faster than it looked like! Last Gala to the Genesis Tree is a rotten Mushroom!

Gala: Darn you. Darn you both.

Vahn: Whatever...

Gala: Listen, you two. The enemies here have been strengthened by the harsh environment and have likely been mutated by years of exposure to the Mist. We must be cautious.

Vahn: I don't think we need to be too careful.

Noa: Yeah, coming from Mr. Lumbering Hulk, I am not too worried.

Gala: I can fly, you know. Just, not right now.

Noa: I bet it's because you really can't.

Gala: Hate both of you so much right now. I will show you that training pays off.

Noa: Say, what do you think Meta and Terra are up to?

Meta: Uh, what? I was finally getting some sleep since you haven't done anything stupid to annoy me for the last few hours.

Noa: Wha!!! When have I ever done that?

Meta: You know that thing you do when your mouth moves?

Noa: Talking?

Meta: Exactly. When you do that, that's when I know you are being annoying.

Noa: Boohoo! You're even meaner than Gala.

Terra: Noa, don't take it too hard. Meta doesn't mean it.

Meta: You're taking her side now?

Terra: Technically, she and I are one now. I'm taking my side.

Meta: I'm frustrated by your lack of support, but the logic by which you make your case is rock solid. Darn it. Hate when that happens.

Vahn: Whatever... Can we just revive the Genesis Tree already? Between the four of you, I'm starting to miss Mei.

Meta: If I recall, Vahn, the reason you left Rim Elm was to get away from Mei.

Vahn: You've just proven my point.

Meta: At least we're both of the same opinion on this one. We do need to get to the Genesis Tree; I fear that we are in grave danger.

The party treks on through the forest. Along the way, they come across a fast- moving river.

Vahn: It doesn't appear that we will be able to cross.

Noa: We could just jump across. Part of that whole "Ra-Seru make us ten times stronger" bonus that comes with being the heroes.

Vahn: But Gala doesn't have a Ra-Seru.

Gala: I can fly, you know.

Vahn: Anyway, as I was saying, we can't cross. We'll have to search for another way.

Noa: What's with that plant? Can I eat it?

Gala: You simple-minded fool. That's Bridge Grass; it'll grow big and hard in a few years.

Noa: Can I smoke it?

Gala: Uh... I'm not going to dignify that with a response.

Vahn: I didn't realize you were into that sort of thing.

Noa: I grew up in a cave surviving entirely on mushrooms for the last ten years. Besides, why do you think I am so hyper all the time?

Vahn: You know, I never really thought of it that way.

Gala: We'll have to find some way to make it grow if we want to cross.

The party backtracks through the woods looking for another way to reach the deepest part of the forest. Along the way, they find a rather repulsive smelling treasure chest.

Noa: I don't know what's in their, but it stinks.

Gala: That's just not right.

Vahn: Whatever... If you two are going to whine so much about it, just let me handle it.

Vahn opens the chest to find a 20 pound bag of cow manure.

Noa: Why is that just sitting in a treasure chest? No, seriously - who would have done such a thing?

Gala: The gods must work in strange ways. I just hope it's useful.

Vahn: I'm not taking it.

Noa: Oh, yes you are. Whether it's in that bag or on your face, you are taking it.

Vahn: Whatever. Just when I thought I had enough bull... feces to deal with, the gods decide to make it literal.

Meta: Preaching to the choir on that one.

Gala: We could use it to help the Bridge Grass grow faster.

Noa: Did someone say grass?

Vahn: Not that kind!

Terra: Noa, now's not the time to worry about your addictions. Now that you can eat foods other than mushrooms, it's time to start getting sober.

Noa: But I wanna! I wanna, I wanna, I wanna.

Meta: Not feeling so great about being one with her now, are you?

Terra: I'm going to be the better Ra-Seru here and pretend to drop it. But I want you to know that I'm going to keep holding that over you.

Gala: I see why Biron preaches against use of the Seru. When do they ever shut up?

Meta: Right about the same time you do.

Gala: ... Darn you all.

The party continues through the woods and enters the deepest part of the forest. What will happen... Oh, for crying out loud, the tree is dead and we all know it. Geez, why do I even pretend there are people who don't know this plot by now? Stay tuned for Part 11!