LegendOfLegaia.net

This is a little story where I, everyone's favorite genocidal alcoholic shows up in Legaia and does... things. Ill try to keep this pg-13 or something. Expect alot of spelling mistakes, plotholes, and dead hippies. Ill try to update this once a day or 3 times a week or something. if i don't offend someone, Im not trying hard enough. Enjoy
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For reasons that can't be explained by science, I have Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis., or your mom, The horrible man-child known as the deadly virus appeared in Rim Elm. He stepped outside his house looking like a walking STD and wielding a scythe the size of a small whale and realized something important must be going on since there was a camera following him. He looked over and saw his neighbor Vahn. Dv liked Vahn since unlike most people he didn't talk....even though with his dumb bluehair, overly large head and eyes the size of windshields. He had a sister who looked like a deformed 何だよこれ！ and a crippled father. He had a mother, but she was the smart one and ended up getting her self killed.

Dv began his day like any other by breaking into peoples houses and robbing them of valuables and breakfast cereal. There was this girl Mei or something who wanted to "measure" DV for whatever reason, but DV treated her the same way he treats any women with clothes on.. i.e ignore her and slapping her utters.

There was also this stupid tree in the center of town. Dv wanted to kill it, but he wasn't a high enough level yet since he didn't have enough mp to cast his "猿が大好きだよ you" spell yet.

Later that night there was a loud pounding sound on the wall that surrounded the town. If there's Dv hates more than anything, its when things make noise. Everyone was standing around when some fat guy named Zeto showed up and used the Juggernaut to blow a hole in the wall. A bunch of mist showed up looking for a job

Dv's eyes lite up upon seeing the Juggernaut

"I want that!" he said while taking a drink from his 40 and swinging his scythe and knocking the nearest gimard into the next postal code.

And WTF was this mist? Dv wasn't about to share the contents of his fridge with it.

THINGS HAPPENED

Vahn was standing by that tree and got some rock thing on his arm that gave him powers. Wanting them, but not wanting to wear some ugly jewlery, he killed Vahn, and cut off his arm and carry it

DV: "You're my slave now lawl"

Meta: "you're an evil man, i'll never help you

DV: "Your mom"

And so DV set out in a northwest direction because shut up

That was... interesting, to say the least. Can we expect to see more of DV's adventures at Drake Castle?

Dv stumbled into a place known as huntersprings. Everyone seemed happy to see him.. too bad the feeling wasn't mutual.

"Oh praise the Builder!" Dv yelled out upon seeing the magical healing spring. "I gotta go!"

The rest of the town could only watch in horror as DV's acidic urine defiled the holy spring.

"you guy's know how much i can get for this braclet?!" Dv said alittle too loudly as he showed everyone Vahn's arm with Meta still attached. Everyone was silent. Growing bored he decided to head in... whatever Drake Castle's direction was. West you whores!

"I bet i can find something shinny in there" DV once again saying something too loudly. He punted a small barn-yard animal through the door to open it since keys were overrated. He found alot of people in cages so he deiced to set them free... then he killed them because you know... old urges.

Around the upper floors he found a lone guy with something shinny around his neck. DV accidently yanked too hard on this necklace and ripped the guy's head off.

After opening some other door DV went in the only direction the game would let him.. hoping to do something about the smell of the decomposing arm he was carrying around

Poor Drake. I wonder if Noa and Terra will meet with the same fate...

DV arrived at Mount Rik.. Rirk..... a Mountain north of Drake Castle. He was in a bad mood since his bottle was empty and he ran out of mp to cast his "Conjure Rum" spell. If only he stayed at the inn.

Meta: "Our friends are waiting for us at the summit"

DV: "lolwut"

After staggering his way to the top he saw a wolf, some child and that Zeto prick. Zeto didn't want to share his Juggernaut spell and summoned a lion with wings.

Terra: "DV please help this child"

DV: "LOLWUT"

Thinking he had too much since forest animals were speaking to him, he decided it would be a good idea to do something about this caurabaraboo thing before it ate him. The thing had sharp teeth and claws. Since he was out of mp and not sober he didn't want to get into melee range. Lacking a projectile, he grabbed the wolf and threw it like a lawn dart. The giant monster began spewing fireballs.

DV: "son of a Miley Cyrus""

The monster turned its attention to the pinked-hair orphan. For some whatever reason, instead of just running, Dv decided to stay. He slashed at the creature's stomach, ripped out its intestines, and straggled it with them.

The girl got a rock thing on her arm, the tree got bigger and pushed away the mist, and DV vomited at the sight of happiness.

You let them live? How unlike you. I suppose this means Noa will tag along with DV now.

"DV i hear people"

"WAT THA FAK" Dv said while holding the shift key down since caps lock is easy mode. He wasn't sure why he was confused..... the fact that this pink haired whore could talk or the fact that there were people still alive.

the king was dead.. lol oops.. who knew

at some point a proper update will be made

Maybe you should try to rule the kingdom in Drake's place.

DV was sober and he hated that. To make matters worse he had an under-aged crusty genitals following him around, and the rotting arm he was carrying around was stanking something fierce. A lot of people were still alive somehow, but there were alot more items in chests that people were just giving away... i.e not supervising

"What's money mr dv?" the pinked haired whore spoke only to receive and back hand from an empty bottle.

DV was confused from being sober for more than five minutes and searched for food. He began eating a tasty veal leg....... except it wasn't veal. it was someone else's leg. oopss

The guards didn't like that and DV doesn't like things that are alive, but he was out of mp and itching to move the plot forward so he gutting a random old person, ripped them open, and used them as a hang glider to float off one of the castle turrets.

He landed in a random field and saw some hippie monestary in front of him. He rolled his eyes at the sight of Noa who somehow teleported next to him and began to munch on what was left of Vahn's decomposing arm.

Not sure why I keep laughing at the "under-aged crusty genitals" part. Give that poor girl some real food.