my play (no name... post some!; its alittle violent)

[Rammerrush]

Exactly thank you Lone?

[Zup]

Phew finally read it

Its not for me. I don't see anything wrong with it but its just not my thing

[Redhollowlives999]

>-> so more violence?
I said to skip the preachy parts... Thats for the church... The rest is just to watch ppl knock other people out

[Zup]

you should've cut it up into smaller posts

[Redhollowlives999]

I did.... It's much longer

I know it doesn't have much violence and "gore" but some people won't really approve of demons kicking angels in the face until they faint...

Or choke slamming angels....
But it as a nice ending with blah blah blah and an elite angel comes and kicks my こし with it's mind!!!
Otherwise I kick everybody elses こし

[Zup]

you call THAT a small post?

[Redhollowlives999]

Yes

[Zup]

Well no one else does

Its not bad. Something like this, though, needs visuals

Or....at least I do

[Redhollowlives999]

the real action is in the last chapter... when i try to kill the girl >:D

[Rammerrush]

I think maybe if you included little sketches with the scenes, of like whats supposed to be happening, would help